One of those things that I have seen many actual definitions on these things but to me are crystal clear in my view.
Play – Things done for the pleasure of one or both people.
Punishment – Things done expressly for a reason that the slave did something their owner found punishable. Breaking a rule, failing to carry out a ritual, disobedience and attitude issues without cause are some things people can use punishment.
Discipline – Things done that are not for pleasure or punishment but done because it helps the slave or the slave needs it to be at a good submissive level.
Can these things overlap?
Absolutely they can. Certainly you can get discipline benefits from play. Many ignorant dominants confuse quality slaves as being do me subs because both sides fail to connect the need of consistent discipline in their lives. Often the only discipline is when the dominant is in the mood for fun.
You can also get discipline when punishment is happening. This though tends to be only certain types of punishment and most often impact play. Think domestic discipline when spanking is administered for punishment.
Play and punishment should not really overlap. It loses the meaning and effectiveness if a slave sees the dominant getting pleasure from punishing them and of course you are actually rewarding bad behavior if a slave feels more pleasure then anything else when punished.
But can a slave feel pleasure or get aroused when punished?
This is the dirty secret but yes we can! Do or should we feel these things more then what we are suppose to feel when punished? Of course not but it can happen but hopefully if the punishment is productive those feelings are minor feelings. Look I am a slave with a power fetish. Being punished is an exercise in power over me. Part of me is going to respond from that.
Look at it this way many of us can enjoy the feeling of a good cry even though we are feeling so crappy to be crying in the first place. We still do not go out and try to repeat what caused us to cry. That is what I would compare it to.
November 27, 2008
November 15, 2008
What is edge play?
To tell you the truth I have no clue.
Personally I have come to the conclusion that it there are three factors that go into something being labeled “edge play” by someone.
1) Play that not enough people involved in local communities are into or willing to admit their into so there are few discussions and not done at play parties and demonstrations.
2) For a certain percentage of dominants and submissives who get off on thinking they are cooler, more competent and maybe better then others it sure sounds cool to call certain types of play “edge” play.
3) Hey we like to label things so it might as well be called something.
Is edge play actually edge play/out the edge of safety?
Very easy answer, no!
Now you will find few to admit that because of the cool factor. It is cool for the ones into such things to call it that and it is cool for those who a thing that is labeled edge play that is a limit to call it edge play to infer too dangerous. The fact is pretty much every kinky thing and for that matter most things we do in life has a danger to them. I have to admit as an RN to not knowing why something like scat play is any more dangerous then any type of S&M play and for that matter most kinky with sane people and would argue strongly a lot less riskier then if you are a smoker, way out of shape, ride motorcycles, jump out of perfectly working airplane. I could go on and on but you get the picture hopefully.
So like all things in life, edge play is only dangerous if you are with an idiot, insane or who cares about researching and go slowly full speed a head person. I would use the same description with anything we do as human beings that has potential risks. Just because it is not openly discussed in your local community and there are no seminars or live demonstrations does not make it any more dangerous.
So do not decide kinky play that works for you by others. Whether wanting to be cool and explore everything so you can be “better” then others with more limits, a dominant who wants to chest thump they have mastered everything or those who only do things they have seen others do.
Edge play is just a term do not get caught up with the colorful meaning that people often assign to it. A simple good rule of thumb is to think, study and move slowly with all things you decide to take on and does not matter what label others give it.
Personally I have come to the conclusion that it there are three factors that go into something being labeled “edge play” by someone.
1) Play that not enough people involved in local communities are into or willing to admit their into so there are few discussions and not done at play parties and demonstrations.
2) For a certain percentage of dominants and submissives who get off on thinking they are cooler, more competent and maybe better then others it sure sounds cool to call certain types of play “edge” play.
3) Hey we like to label things so it might as well be called something.
Is edge play actually edge play/out the edge of safety?
Very easy answer, no!
Now you will find few to admit that because of the cool factor. It is cool for the ones into such things to call it that and it is cool for those who a thing that is labeled edge play that is a limit to call it edge play to infer too dangerous. The fact is pretty much every kinky thing and for that matter most things we do in life has a danger to them. I have to admit as an RN to not knowing why something like scat play is any more dangerous then any type of S&M play and for that matter most kinky with sane people and would argue strongly a lot less riskier then if you are a smoker, way out of shape, ride motorcycles, jump out of perfectly working airplane. I could go on and on but you get the picture hopefully.
So like all things in life, edge play is only dangerous if you are with an idiot, insane or who cares about researching and go slowly full speed a head person. I would use the same description with anything we do as human beings that has potential risks. Just because it is not openly discussed in your local community and there are no seminars or live demonstrations does not make it any more dangerous.
So do not decide kinky play that works for you by others. Whether wanting to be cool and explore everything so you can be “better” then others with more limits, a dominant who wants to chest thump they have mastered everything or those who only do things they have seen others do.
Edge play is just a term do not get caught up with the colorful meaning that people often assign to it. A simple good rule of thumb is to think, study and move slowly with all things you decide to take on and does not matter what label others give it.
November 11, 2008
Is there inordinate amount of victims of abuse in this life?
I do not think they is a much higher percentage of people who are drawn to this life because of past abuse, especially when a child, but I leave open there might be some higher percentage.
This thought gets perpetuated by anecdotal evidence. Ask the question in a message board or chat room and see all the people, especially women submissives respond they were. This can lead to this conclusion which is quite unscientific and not an accurate reflection.
The sad truth is that there are scientific surveys out that as many as 50% of women have had an incident of sexual and physical abuse in their lives. You can ask any group of women this question and if answered honestly would raise your eyes and could draw a poor conclusion. The other factor is we hide behind our computer screens safe from having to confront others. This makes it much easier to step forward and communicate you were abused. Even if the subject comes up in a local community event it still is far easier to discuss it there then other regular places then most. The atmosphere and what we share with others in these venues just lends itself to be open on subjects we might not normally be open to.
There are different types of abuses and along with different personalities means different reactions. Ongoing abuse versus one or a few traumatic experience and when did they take place. The reason why I am open to the possibility to a slightly higher percentage is for one reason. In cases where there is ongoing abuse during childhood that often can destroy boundaries and take simple joys away from them. I do not think this drives them to power exchange or kinky sex but I think these people who have a natural desire in them can in some ways help them because they might struggle less in breaking free from the societal preaching that can be so difficult.
All of us are on a journey and certainly are life experiences have an impact in our lives. But to say abuse made one submissive or into kinky sex out of anecdotal evidence is too far of a leap. For every no boundary rush into the life abuse victim there could easily be one petrified of taking chances withdrawing from the world. Next time you see five women together you can probably guess that at least two have been abused in some way. But you would never assume two were into this life.
This thought gets perpetuated by anecdotal evidence. Ask the question in a message board or chat room and see all the people, especially women submissives respond they were. This can lead to this conclusion which is quite unscientific and not an accurate reflection.
The sad truth is that there are scientific surveys out that as many as 50% of women have had an incident of sexual and physical abuse in their lives. You can ask any group of women this question and if answered honestly would raise your eyes and could draw a poor conclusion. The other factor is we hide behind our computer screens safe from having to confront others. This makes it much easier to step forward and communicate you were abused. Even if the subject comes up in a local community event it still is far easier to discuss it there then other regular places then most. The atmosphere and what we share with others in these venues just lends itself to be open on subjects we might not normally be open to.
There are different types of abuses and along with different personalities means different reactions. Ongoing abuse versus one or a few traumatic experience and when did they take place. The reason why I am open to the possibility to a slightly higher percentage is for one reason. In cases where there is ongoing abuse during childhood that often can destroy boundaries and take simple joys away from them. I do not think this drives them to power exchange or kinky sex but I think these people who have a natural desire in them can in some ways help them because they might struggle less in breaking free from the societal preaching that can be so difficult.
All of us are on a journey and certainly are life experiences have an impact in our lives. But to say abuse made one submissive or into kinky sex out of anecdotal evidence is too far of a leap. For every no boundary rush into the life abuse victim there could easily be one petrified of taking chances withdrawing from the world. Next time you see five women together you can probably guess that at least two have been abused in some way. But you would never assume two were into this life.
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