It is unfortunate that many people in the power exchange life and especially we submissives tend to abuse the word trust to where it can lose all meaning. People in power exchange relationships are regular people and does not make us perfect. Not every thing that goes wrong or a do me wrong thing by our other is a trust destroying thing.
The short answer of can trust be rebuilt is to ask yourself in previous relationships and not just romantic ones but friendships and co-worker stuff if trust was broken did you learn to trust the other person again. This life is not special from that and we will not be different. Some of us can sometimes trust again and some of us never trust again when it gets broken.
But if you are looking for more of a gray answer to me to think about trusting again if broken comes down to me as what was behind the event in terms of the person. To me there are two possibilities.
Character defect: If the trust was broken because the person has shown to be consistently defective in the area that is was broken in then the chances are slim to nil that trust can ever return. People do not change! They can bring out things that have been hidden or work at reducing or enhancing something that pretty much is about it when you get with an adult.
For example if a person lied to you and it caused some huge problem. If the person has a history of lying to get something they are just not going to stop that behavior.
Mistake or misunderstanding: If trust was broken because two people were not on the same page, something went wrong with no one really at thought or expectations of doing something were not met, these are the things that I often stumble across in this life. Someone doing something that caused you problems and even big problems does not mean they are at fault for breaking trust.
Now if you cannot trust you cannot trust. It is a feeling and not some judgment. But if you have a history of trusting again and forgiving there no reason that with some time and communication that things like this cannot be overcome.
People are not perfect and not agreeing with you is not a trust breaking crime. A few missed phone calls should not be a trust breaker if they have always been reliable in the past. A scene that went too far can just be a scene that went too far if it is not either first time and especially if you have been together for awhile. If it means starting over in going slower to trust then that should be considered.
In general if trust is broken out tracing back the source as a character defect of the other or just two people that are not compatible then it will be close to impossible to trust again. People do not change just because they want something to work out. But if it is just some isolated incident then one must think first if they are able to trust again and then what can be done for it to happen if they want to.
March 20, 2009
March 06, 2009
Seek out an Asian Bride?
If I truly want a more traditional and/or submissive wife should I seek out an Asian bride?
Anytime I have ever mentioned on a message board or even my time in local communities that I was born, spent great amount of time in and pretty much raised in Eastern culture I always get this question asked privately of course.
My basic answer is I do not think it is worth it or the best way to use your valuable resources of time, money and aging. First and foremost the reason every Google search will have, I am sure is you might never know if the person truly loves and wants to be with you or just wants citizenship or to soak you for money. I think someone with a level head can probably bend the odds heavy in their favor the woman will not be but you just would not know for certain in most cases.
Things I though would point out:
1) The typical Asian women is no more typical then the typical American women. So when you read Asian women embrace traditional roles that is of course a lie. It means a great higher percentage of Asian women embrace traditional roles. Think of it this way for an Asian to have good English skills and be open to wanting to move across the world might not have the highest percentage of Asian women that embrace a traditional role marriage, let alone has a submissive personality. Something like that takes great courage and rebellious traits.
2) Traditional role is a two way street. One of the biggest problems when people dream of a power exchange relationship is they tend to only think of what the other will be like in terms of the benefit of their role. People often fail miserably in thinking about, accepting and doing what will be expected of them. This is especially true for men seeking out traditional wives. The odds are you really are not a traditional husband and until you accept that and study up what that truly is then the odds are long.
3) Culture has differences in values including what is traditional. What you think is traditional and what an Asian woman thinks is traditional is not necessarily a perfect match. Study up and accept how she will be attracted and judge you and can you live up to that.
4) Do not buy into the fairytale. I doubt except for very wealthy and very social couples in Asian society are the women the fairytale always beautiful, concerned about being beautiful and always dressing in an attractive feminine manner. Asian women work and often work quite hard and long hours. They may very well be more willing to dress up for their man in many more occasions then Western women on the average but not 24/7365.
5) Old dogs will learn new tricks. Spend enough time totally in a different culture you will adapt a lot of that culture. My Dad at this point would rather eat at an American restaurant in Taipei then eat a traditional one with our relatives over there. Your traditional Asian bride will adopt Western culture in some ways and certainly some of those will not be what you are hoping for.
6) Are you prepared to host relatives for extended stays and contribute money back to her family? Even if they are absolutely not with you for money that does not mean if her family is in dire need that you will not be looked upon to help out. Asian families are fiercely loyal and supportive of each other. They take care of their own is not just talk, it is zealotry backed up. Also your home is their home. If your bride has a relative wanting to spend time in America or go to school and decides your city is the place for whatever reason forget getting them an apartment, it will be your spare bedroom. My Master was quite alarmed when we were back in Taipei for the wedding and a cousin’s son was peppering all of the family members living in America about which would be the best place to go to school.
Do I think there is a much higher percentage of Asian women who embrace/live a traditional role marriage, sure. But what you see as one and what they see as one can be completely different and the percentage of ones willing to move far away from home will be less then that percentage. An unhappy wife and relationship in any role or culture is not a happy one!
Anytime I have ever mentioned on a message board or even my time in local communities that I was born, spent great amount of time in and pretty much raised in Eastern culture I always get this question asked privately of course.
My basic answer is I do not think it is worth it or the best way to use your valuable resources of time, money and aging. First and foremost the reason every Google search will have, I am sure is you might never know if the person truly loves and wants to be with you or just wants citizenship or to soak you for money. I think someone with a level head can probably bend the odds heavy in their favor the woman will not be but you just would not know for certain in most cases.
Things I though would point out:
1) The typical Asian women is no more typical then the typical American women. So when you read Asian women embrace traditional roles that is of course a lie. It means a great higher percentage of Asian women embrace traditional roles. Think of it this way for an Asian to have good English skills and be open to wanting to move across the world might not have the highest percentage of Asian women that embrace a traditional role marriage, let alone has a submissive personality. Something like that takes great courage and rebellious traits.
2) Traditional role is a two way street. One of the biggest problems when people dream of a power exchange relationship is they tend to only think of what the other will be like in terms of the benefit of their role. People often fail miserably in thinking about, accepting and doing what will be expected of them. This is especially true for men seeking out traditional wives. The odds are you really are not a traditional husband and until you accept that and study up what that truly is then the odds are long.
3) Culture has differences in values including what is traditional. What you think is traditional and what an Asian woman thinks is traditional is not necessarily a perfect match. Study up and accept how she will be attracted and judge you and can you live up to that.
4) Do not buy into the fairytale. I doubt except for very wealthy and very social couples in Asian society are the women the fairytale always beautiful, concerned about being beautiful and always dressing in an attractive feminine manner. Asian women work and often work quite hard and long hours. They may very well be more willing to dress up for their man in many more occasions then Western women on the average but not 24/7365.
5) Old dogs will learn new tricks. Spend enough time totally in a different culture you will adapt a lot of that culture. My Dad at this point would rather eat at an American restaurant in Taipei then eat a traditional one with our relatives over there. Your traditional Asian bride will adopt Western culture in some ways and certainly some of those will not be what you are hoping for.
6) Are you prepared to host relatives for extended stays and contribute money back to her family? Even if they are absolutely not with you for money that does not mean if her family is in dire need that you will not be looked upon to help out. Asian families are fiercely loyal and supportive of each other. They take care of their own is not just talk, it is zealotry backed up. Also your home is their home. If your bride has a relative wanting to spend time in America or go to school and decides your city is the place for whatever reason forget getting them an apartment, it will be your spare bedroom. My Master was quite alarmed when we were back in Taipei for the wedding and a cousin’s son was peppering all of the family members living in America about which would be the best place to go to school.
Do I think there is a much higher percentage of Asian women who embrace/live a traditional role marriage, sure. But what you see as one and what they see as one can be completely different and the percentage of ones willing to move far away from home will be less then that percentage. An unhappy wife and relationship in any role or culture is not a happy one!
March 03, 2009
Why is there so much focus on the kink and sex when this life is talked about?
Three reasons!
1) The largest practitioners in this life are of the strict top/bottom variety. Therefore all they are interested in would be these aspects. Even many claiming deeper roots can be viewed through objective observation to be basically just traditional role type relationships with top/bottom fun stuff. Pretty much the no rules and rituals, no punishments and none of them wanting “micromanagement” so pretty much only leaves sex and kink.
2) These relationships are far more similar to regular relationships then different. “That is my point Lin. Are you that stupid because regular couples are not this sex obsessed?” My point being is our lives really do not differentiate greatly in a lot of those things. So when we get together to talk about these things you will either get writings of inspirations that come off as love letters to our others and other internalized feelings or you will get what one did that interest them enough and others who they are communicating with.
Domestic chores are not interesting to anyone for the most part and my Master, like most, does not really engage in active domination when it comes to the domestic stuff outside of what he would like to eat. Work is not power based and despite my Master’s ongoing and unsuccessful attempt to understand why I love with passion being a nurse while still coming home often from a shift in some combination of exhausted, frustrated, sad or pissed. Nothing power based there and my fellow nurses get those stories.
Does a person want to write or read about all the common reminders my Master and I gave each other before he left for his business trip or would we rather read about the savage throat fucking and cum facial I got as his goodbye? I tend to think the latter dominates ones thoughts and interests.
3) What part of giving power over to a man so he can indulge in his desires do you not get?
As I wrote in number two a lot of this is life as usual for most things. What power exchange often affects the most by far is private “we” time. No matter how much enjoyment cooking, cleaning and serving in the blander things in life can do for us in a good way most of us are doing these things regardless of power exchange and just not much to write about. For example for maybe most women with a man that has a healthy sexual appetite, which would be harder to get his approval? Buying a new vacuum cleaner because the commercial for the one that moves on a ball looks so much cooler then the one you have now or telling him you found some nice things you would like to wear for him out of the Victoria’s Secret Catalog?
When dealing in theory topics can be discussed in a broad form easily. When talking in details about what goes on in our lives the redundancy of life tends to be boring but the different and stuff we cannot share with others is why many communicate with others in this life in the first place. For many that will be not only sexual and kinky acts but the amp up sexualization of their relationship.
1) The largest practitioners in this life are of the strict top/bottom variety. Therefore all they are interested in would be these aspects. Even many claiming deeper roots can be viewed through objective observation to be basically just traditional role type relationships with top/bottom fun stuff. Pretty much the no rules and rituals, no punishments and none of them wanting “micromanagement” so pretty much only leaves sex and kink.
2) These relationships are far more similar to regular relationships then different. “That is my point Lin. Are you that stupid because regular couples are not this sex obsessed?” My point being is our lives really do not differentiate greatly in a lot of those things. So when we get together to talk about these things you will either get writings of inspirations that come off as love letters to our others and other internalized feelings or you will get what one did that interest them enough and others who they are communicating with.
Domestic chores are not interesting to anyone for the most part and my Master, like most, does not really engage in active domination when it comes to the domestic stuff outside of what he would like to eat. Work is not power based and despite my Master’s ongoing and unsuccessful attempt to understand why I love with passion being a nurse while still coming home often from a shift in some combination of exhausted, frustrated, sad or pissed. Nothing power based there and my fellow nurses get those stories.
Does a person want to write or read about all the common reminders my Master and I gave each other before he left for his business trip or would we rather read about the savage throat fucking and cum facial I got as his goodbye? I tend to think the latter dominates ones thoughts and interests.
3) What part of giving power over to a man so he can indulge in his desires do you not get?
As I wrote in number two a lot of this is life as usual for most things. What power exchange often affects the most by far is private “we” time. No matter how much enjoyment cooking, cleaning and serving in the blander things in life can do for us in a good way most of us are doing these things regardless of power exchange and just not much to write about. For example for maybe most women with a man that has a healthy sexual appetite, which would be harder to get his approval? Buying a new vacuum cleaner because the commercial for the one that moves on a ball looks so much cooler then the one you have now or telling him you found some nice things you would like to wear for him out of the Victoria’s Secret Catalog?
When dealing in theory topics can be discussed in a broad form easily. When talking in details about what goes on in our lives the redundancy of life tends to be boring but the different and stuff we cannot share with others is why many communicate with others in this life in the first place. For many that will be not only sexual and kinky acts but the amp up sexualization of their relationship.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
