Is sex separate from BDSM and other kinks, D/s and M/s?
I am absolute in my belief in this issue and will write soon about sex and power exchange in a large post but want to get this down now.
Sex is a drive that goes up to the line between strong desire and need. Most human beings have zero desire not to try to have a satisfying sex life. Sex is also something that in many of us driven to heighten desire with intimacy with a person we love. Wedding nights and anniversaries couples are not making the effort to be alone together so they can break out a nice private card game.
When doing BDSM things with our other they can and often tend to be intimate experiences on some level. So even when not done for sexual pleasure the mind is often still going in areas where sexual desires will come spilling out. It is like giving your other a massage in your bed while naked. It does not have to be sexual, it can be totally sexual and it may or may not directly lead to sex.
So do any acts or pure power dynamic it is always about sex. Certainly not none of it has to be. The overwhelming odds though are if you are doing these acts and only with the one person you love that these acts and sex will intertwine in potentially a variety of ways.
Why do some then promote this life has nothing to do with sex?
Because they are extremely selfish human beings or in self denial to themselves and others involved with them period!
Again sex is a drive for a human being and one where most of us will insist on trying to be satisfied in this area. The ones who preach this garbage do it for various selfish reasons.
1) People with abnormally low or none (asexual) sex drives. They use power exchange as a way to try to find love and commitment but with little sex or none as possible.
2) Married people who wander outside their marriage to get their BDSM/kinks desires satisfied. They do not have sex with the people they play with (they already have a sexual outlet) and like to promote no sex so potential partners who this has a sexual factor will not try anything sexual.
3) Couples or even single people who only want parts of another human being but not the whole of a person and use power exchange to try to get that. They want the submissive to be totally dedicated to them but they do not want the responsibility of the other side of the equation. These are the people looking for free maids, cooks, babysitters, personal assistants and general free laborers. As you can probably tell by my words I find this particular group to be quite disgusting because of just how ignorant and selfish they truly are.
Now of course there are submissive people who are more then happy to be treated this way and not have sex or it is very limited. They may also have low or no sex drives and other perfectly good reasons. But these people are like finding a needle in a haystack.
Why I particularly hate this group of people is because they refuse to acknowledge what they are looking for is very rare but instead try to convert everyone to the belief power exchange does not have to include sex. That submissive’s really only need to please their others to be happy and any other needs/desires means they are fakes and losers. That somehow submissives are less human because that can be the only logical conclusion why they think we are such incomplete human beings.
March 28, 2008
March 23, 2008
Consensual Non Consent?
No one really doing anything they do not want to do so there really is any such things as a total power exchange relationship?
Well it depends on how you want to look at it. Of course with two mentally healthy people the big picture is of course the slave is doing what they want. No one mentally healthy is being forced into doing things that make them miserable.
But that is not what is going on. What is going on in a TPE relationship is non consensual things done within the relationship from mundane to severe and from here and there to something’s prolonged that both people want and need in the relationship to be happy overall which makes it consensual.
A slave like me does things and endures things because we want and need them to be done to us by our owner not because the individual things bring us pleasure. We need these done to know our owner is devoted to us and our dynamic and is not afraid to do these things. So when they do other things that relationships have we can trust their love and sincerity. An owner needs to see their slave do things that they would never or not at that time do so they see their slaves love and devotion to them and the dynamic so they can feel free to react and indulge in the relationship without having to constantly worry about that their slave is judging or keeping score.
There are people who are in various power exchange relationships that will not do or order another to do something if they do not specifically want it. That is for lesser type power dynamics and for people who role play this life.
For total power exchange relationships non consent very much is a part of the short term actions and emotions of the relationship it is just that both know that overall these non consent things are for an overall happiness.
Well it depends on how you want to look at it. Of course with two mentally healthy people the big picture is of course the slave is doing what they want. No one mentally healthy is being forced into doing things that make them miserable.
But that is not what is going on. What is going on in a TPE relationship is non consensual things done within the relationship from mundane to severe and from here and there to something’s prolonged that both people want and need in the relationship to be happy overall which makes it consensual.
A slave like me does things and endures things because we want and need them to be done to us by our owner not because the individual things bring us pleasure. We need these done to know our owner is devoted to us and our dynamic and is not afraid to do these things. So when they do other things that relationships have we can trust their love and sincerity. An owner needs to see their slave do things that they would never or not at that time do so they see their slaves love and devotion to them and the dynamic so they can feel free to react and indulge in the relationship without having to constantly worry about that their slave is judging or keeping score.
There are people who are in various power exchange relationships that will not do or order another to do something if they do not specifically want it. That is for lesser type power dynamics and for people who role play this life.
For total power exchange relationships non consent very much is a part of the short term actions and emotions of the relationship it is just that both know that overall these non consent things are for an overall happiness.
March 19, 2008
No Limit Slave?
Well this actually has several meanings depending on the sanity and self esteem of the person stating it.
For sane and reasonably healthy people who claim to be no limit slaves it simply means the couple share the same limits and have had no issues in terms of the owner pushing or bringing up things over time. These people are rare because sane people with self esteem will be more directly honest with other people because they darn well know some things they would never ever do.
For sane, reasonably healthy but somewhat self esteemed challenged slaves the no limit slave means what the one written up above means but they have conveniently keep forgetting things brought up in the beginning of the relationship and other times where their owner wanted to do and talk about something and they reacted in a way their owner learned not to bring it up again.
For the sane but person who has little self esteem this is a term to make themselves feel better. It is one of those “cool” terms people in the life love to use. “I am a no limit slave” it really has just one meaning, “Look how much better I am compared to all you limit slaves”. Of course this is stupid and not actually true but since they have self esteem issues they have decided that they would get self esteem by how they see themselves as a slave in some irrational comparison to other slaves that they magically come out of ahead.
For the insane this has some truth to it. They probably have limits when you start listing some extreme things that people like me would bring up but at the same time some of these people are very well capable of doing some seriously sick stuff all in the terms of their other. You see plenty of real life examples of insane people doing very bad deeds for some person who has them under their spell.
For sane and reasonably healthy people who claim to be no limit slaves it simply means the couple share the same limits and have had no issues in terms of the owner pushing or bringing up things over time. These people are rare because sane people with self esteem will be more directly honest with other people because they darn well know some things they would never ever do.
For sane, reasonably healthy but somewhat self esteemed challenged slaves the no limit slave means what the one written up above means but they have conveniently keep forgetting things brought up in the beginning of the relationship and other times where their owner wanted to do and talk about something and they reacted in a way their owner learned not to bring it up again.
For the sane but person who has little self esteem this is a term to make themselves feel better. It is one of those “cool” terms people in the life love to use. “I am a no limit slave” it really has just one meaning, “Look how much better I am compared to all you limit slaves”. Of course this is stupid and not actually true but since they have self esteem issues they have decided that they would get self esteem by how they see themselves as a slave in some irrational comparison to other slaves that they magically come out of ahead.
For the insane this has some truth to it. They probably have limits when you start listing some extreme things that people like me would bring up but at the same time some of these people are very well capable of doing some seriously sick stuff all in the terms of their other. You see plenty of real life examples of insane people doing very bad deeds for some person who has them under their spell.
March 17, 2008
Are breakups in M/s any different?
When one breaks up from a power exchange relationship one must understand that this breakup is just like any other breakup. Depending on the reasons, time and who dumped who it can be devastating. But it is not larger or more devastating then a regular breakup. It may only appear that way because you fit so well in the dynamic you were happier at one time more then anytime else. But getting over it and moving on remains the same.
Also understand if a dominant “releases” you it is simply because they do not want to be with you anymore. If they give reasons like you broke a rule or any other “lifestyle” type reason do not take that as the real reason and is the equivalent of “its not you but me”. They do just not want to discuss/argue about it. Very simple screw up something in a relationship you discuss it and punishment. Being released is I am just done with you.
I just wanted to be clear in the last paragraph a person has every right in good conscience in my opinion to leave a power exchange relationship if that aspect does not work for them. For many of us it is a very critical desire to have in our life and the concept of if you love them then what does it matter will not work.
Also understand if a dominant “releases” you it is simply because they do not want to be with you anymore. If they give reasons like you broke a rule or any other “lifestyle” type reason do not take that as the real reason and is the equivalent of “its not you but me”. They do just not want to discuss/argue about it. Very simple screw up something in a relationship you discuss it and punishment. Being released is I am just done with you.
I just wanted to be clear in the last paragraph a person has every right in good conscience in my opinion to leave a power exchange relationship if that aspect does not work for them. For many of us it is a very critical desire to have in our life and the concept of if you love them then what does it matter will not work.
March 15, 2008
My Experience?
What the heck is your experience to be such a know it all?
I have been owned three times in which almost most of the time spent in the relationships was as a slave 24/7 relationship. First relationship was with a Master/Mistress couple that lasted two and a half years. They are responsible for bringing me into this life and helping me come to grips with it and developing my mindset.
My second relationship was with a man who was twenty-seven years older then me and we were together for seven plus years. I only mention the year difference to have a place to reference if I sprout off about age difference that I can refer I have direct knowledge and in fact always dug much older people period.
My current relationship I have been with him for a year and a half. We have lived together and therefore 24/7 for nine months and are to be married in late August. ;)
I have been owned three times in which almost most of the time spent in the relationships was as a slave 24/7 relationship. First relationship was with a Master/Mistress couple that lasted two and a half years. They are responsible for bringing me into this life and helping me come to grips with it and developing my mindset.
My second relationship was with a man who was twenty-seven years older then me and we were together for seven plus years. I only mention the year difference to have a place to reference if I sprout off about age difference that I can refer I have direct knowledge and in fact always dug much older people period.
My current relationship I have been with him for a year and a half. We have lived together and therefore 24/7 for nine months and are to be married in late August. ;)
Reality of defining Sub vs Slave?
Am I not correct in thinking that for everyone who is in this life there is a different definition for the difference between a submissive and a slave?
You are brilliantly correct. It just takes two people in a relationship to call each other whatever the hell they want.
You are brilliantly correct. It just takes two people in a relationship to call each other whatever the hell they want.
My definition on the Sub vs Slave
But despite the stupidity of trying to make some generalized definition between a submissive and a slave are you stupid enough to share your definition?
Why yes I am stupid enough! Actually I only write this because it can help people in terms of how my brain works and might get a better understanding of my point of view.
There are two distinct aspects that separate a sub from a slave, level of power and where our main motivations are.
To me a submissive is a person who would find it easier to list the things they have given power over to then not and a slave would find it easier to list the things not given over than what they did.
But to me the far biggest difference can be found in the motivations. For someone like me a slave the more I care for someone the more I want to please them. I do not want but have to put their desires and needs above my own. This does not mean ignore or try to pretend I do not have other needs and desires other then my owner’s but for me to be happy and content I want his to be met before I worry about my own. I do not do things from the mundane to the really out there kink because they give me direct physical pleasure by doing them. They give me pleasure from seeing them give my Master pleasure and for me to show my love and devotion to my owner by embracing the suffering.
A submissive to me does things primarily out of direct enjoyment. Whether mundane or kink if they have given power over in an area it is probably because they enjoy it in some specific manner. Let’s say if they let their Dominant choose what they wear. A submissive probably enjoy not making the decision while a slave enjoys knowing what she will be wearing will please her Master.
A submissive is more often then not going to base limits on if they get something out of it or not. A slave is almost always going to base limits on if they can handle something safely, mentally, or not with no concern with direct feelings of pleasure or pain.
Why yes I am stupid enough! Actually I only write this because it can help people in terms of how my brain works and might get a better understanding of my point of view.
There are two distinct aspects that separate a sub from a slave, level of power and where our main motivations are.
To me a submissive is a person who would find it easier to list the things they have given power over to then not and a slave would find it easier to list the things not given over than what they did.
But to me the far biggest difference can be found in the motivations. For someone like me a slave the more I care for someone the more I want to please them. I do not want but have to put their desires and needs above my own. This does not mean ignore or try to pretend I do not have other needs and desires other then my owner’s but for me to be happy and content I want his to be met before I worry about my own. I do not do things from the mundane to the really out there kink because they give me direct physical pleasure by doing them. They give me pleasure from seeing them give my Master pleasure and for me to show my love and devotion to my owner by embracing the suffering.
A submissive to me does things primarily out of direct enjoyment. Whether mundane or kink if they have given power over in an area it is probably because they enjoy it in some specific manner. Let’s say if they let their Dominant choose what they wear. A submissive probably enjoy not making the decision while a slave enjoys knowing what she will be wearing will please her Master.
A submissive is more often then not going to base limits on if they get something out of it or not. A slave is almost always going to base limits on if they can handle something safely, mentally, or not with no concern with direct feelings of pleasure or pain.
Why did you make your blog address “asianslave”?
In all honesty that is me trying to be descriptive and brief. Not my best asset. Being Asian and being a slave are big themes of my life in terms of people find interesting enough that not to bore people to death. I am not allowed to post pictures per Master’s orders so if it what something like “Linsblog” there would have to be some more explaining to do.
The reason why description is an issue to me is because I am as lazy as the next person. When I had pictures up when posting on a message board people could plainly see I was female, age range, I was Asian and I was thin with small breasts. There are a lot of topics that without this information I would have to type out “I am Asian”, “I am thin” and “I have tiny boobies”. Or a cultural question comes up it was easier to write I was raised in two cultures, people can figure out in a nanosecond what the two were.
So “asianslave” to me was simply me going this is an Asian who identifies as a slave in her power exchange thoughts.
The reason why description is an issue to me is because I am as lazy as the next person. When I had pictures up when posting on a message board people could plainly see I was female, age range, I was Asian and I was thin with small breasts. There are a lot of topics that without this information I would have to type out “I am Asian”, “I am thin” and “I have tiny boobies”. Or a cultural question comes up it was easier to write I was raised in two cultures, people can figure out in a nanosecond what the two were.
So “asianslave” to me was simply me going this is an Asian who identifies as a slave in her power exchange thoughts.
Are you nude now?
Do some dominants really not allow their slaves to wear clothes at home?
Pretty much the answer to a question like this is of course there are some. But let’s look at reality. Most people live in populated places, like natural sunlight and fresh air and/or have other people stopping by a lot or have others living with them. People living in cold areas have heating bills to be concerned with. Some just think nude all the time is not that hot or loses appeal. There are a ton more reasons.
On the other hand, I can pretty much guarantee you someone in your subdivision is a nudist and the people in the household are often naked. So being naked all the time is not common but not unrealistic if one wants to do that. My Master for example most days I am not exposing the naughty bits but there are plenty of days and especially partial days where in fact I can be topless, bottomless or completely nude.
Pretty much the answer to a question like this is of course there are some. But let’s look at reality. Most people live in populated places, like natural sunlight and fresh air and/or have other people stopping by a lot or have others living with them. People living in cold areas have heating bills to be concerned with. Some just think nude all the time is not that hot or loses appeal. There are a ton more reasons.
On the other hand, I can pretty much guarantee you someone in your subdivision is a nudist and the people in the household are often naked. So being naked all the time is not common but not unrealistic if one wants to do that. My Master for example most days I am not exposing the naughty bits but there are plenty of days and especially partial days where in fact I can be topless, bottomless or completely nude.
You and others cannot always be having sex?
All these people cannot be doing all this kink and sex all of the time it is so unrealistic or am I wrong?
You are 100% right and 100% missing the point. People often view things in the filter of their own values and experiences. When a person reads walking around nude or in a sexy outfit or hear about middle of the day swats of an ass and things of that nature it is common to think the end result is sex. The reason why is because when most have done this the point was it was all foreplay for sex.
But an M/s couple have plenty of days where they get up go to work, come home eat dinner, watch TV and go to bed. But that does not mean that the slave did not wake her Master with oral attention even if just for a minute, did not come home after work and change into a more sexual outfit, did not eat dinner from a bowl on a floor, did not watch TV in a specific manner and did not do some rituals for bedtime.
These actions are often more then or not at all about sex. They are about atmosphere, structure and consistency in the power dynamic in the relationship. Often done so regular life does not dominate the power exchange dynamic. That these things help them feel more dominant or submissive. That they see their other’s devotion to them and their preferred way of life by staying true to all things set up and decided on. That sex is not the end goal but a more openly expressive/affectionate sexual atmosphere is a goal.
You are 100% right and 100% missing the point. People often view things in the filter of their own values and experiences. When a person reads walking around nude or in a sexy outfit or hear about middle of the day swats of an ass and things of that nature it is common to think the end result is sex. The reason why is because when most have done this the point was it was all foreplay for sex.
But an M/s couple have plenty of days where they get up go to work, come home eat dinner, watch TV and go to bed. But that does not mean that the slave did not wake her Master with oral attention even if just for a minute, did not come home after work and change into a more sexual outfit, did not eat dinner from a bowl on a floor, did not watch TV in a specific manner and did not do some rituals for bedtime.
These actions are often more then or not at all about sex. They are about atmosphere, structure and consistency in the power dynamic in the relationship. Often done so regular life does not dominate the power exchange dynamic. That these things help them feel more dominant or submissive. That they see their other’s devotion to them and their preferred way of life by staying true to all things set up and decided on. That sex is not the end goal but a more openly expressive/affectionate sexual atmosphere is a goal.
What is your sexuality?
I am bisexual which is a large tent for a woman. I not only enjoy sex with other females I can and have formed whole relationships with them. Though in the end I am monogamous in my heart and found I need a man so long term I have to be with a man.
How out am I?
My bisexuality, yes I am out. But not by choice as I became the scandal of my high school when my girlfriend and I got caught in a very public way expressing our love for each other. I went to college where many from my school went so it followed me there and after that I could care less. I did shock the hell out of some people when after I broke up from my last Master I had a very public fling with an out lesbian doctor.
I am not out and proud in terms of being a slave. I have never seen the motivation or really what the big difference is in how William and I live compared to any other couple on the planet. Every couple lives in some dynamic and you do not see every other type of couple go out of their way explaining it to everyone they know. I have outed myself several times in the course of my job as a nurse in an ER to support or inform people that those bruises and injuries are obvious S&M ones.
I am not out and proud in terms of being a slave. I have never seen the motivation or really what the big difference is in how William and I live compared to any other couple on the planet. Every couple lives in some dynamic and you do not see every other type of couple go out of their way explaining it to everyone they know. I have outed myself several times in the course of my job as a nurse in an ER to support or inform people that those bruises and injuries are obvious S&M ones.
My involvment in local communities?
I am no longer active in any local community and have been so for quite some time. Unless my Master orders me, very unlikely, I have zero desire to be active in one again.
When I was first got involved in power exchange my first owners were very involved and got me involved. All told I spent five years in three different local communities. Some of my closet friends were met from my time spent in them.
When I was first got involved in power exchange my first owners were very involved and got me involved. All told I spent five years in three different local communities. Some of my closet friends were met from my time spent in them.
Local communities: How good and bad?
The good: They are great for seeing in real life this great big tent that BDSM, power exchange relationships and other kinks. It is nice to know people and hopefully find friends that you can talk about things that you just cannot with anyone else. Part of this life is looking in the mirror and accepting and being happy that what you are doing is not wrong or sick. So to see other that appears happy and healthy in real time can help deal with self doubt. Last, but not least possibility of finding your other!
The bad: I found way too much one way type attitudes. This is how you must do this. This is how you must do that. A lot of that dating and non BDSM type advice! Because of the dynamics and general population I found local communities to primarily focus on top/bottom play and even then almost all about BDSM and very little else. It is not that D/s and M/s people are not there but that stuff is so personal and so complex in compatibility that any talk tends to be over romanticized chest thumping or what we say but not what we really do stuff. There is also a prevalent high school clique mentality of cliques of people with like minds and backgrounds building up walls with a lot of judging and jealousies being played out.
Overall: I think if you are new to the life then joining your local community is a very good thing for at least a short time. At the same time though understand that being active in your local community and being proactive on your path to living in a power exchange relationship does at some point and to me pretty darn quickly become two completely different things. If you start to figure out if you like or can take pain or bondage, explored other aspects of interest available that is fine and good. But if you have yet gone out on a date with an open heart and brain with another with the hope they might be your other and you use the excuse you are still exploring then need to be honest with yourself. If you spend most of your time exploring top/bottom activities, your social circle has become many in the local community and you know all the activities weeks ahead of time and even attend national shows then you have created a social life for yourself period. Any potential relationship becomes less of a chance the less you actually focus on it.
The bad: I found way too much one way type attitudes. This is how you must do this. This is how you must do that. A lot of that dating and non BDSM type advice! Because of the dynamics and general population I found local communities to primarily focus on top/bottom play and even then almost all about BDSM and very little else. It is not that D/s and M/s people are not there but that stuff is so personal and so complex in compatibility that any talk tends to be over romanticized chest thumping or what we say but not what we really do stuff. There is also a prevalent high school clique mentality of cliques of people with like minds and backgrounds building up walls with a lot of judging and jealousies being played out.
Overall: I think if you are new to the life then joining your local community is a very good thing for at least a short time. At the same time though understand that being active in your local community and being proactive on your path to living in a power exchange relationship does at some point and to me pretty darn quickly become two completely different things. If you start to figure out if you like or can take pain or bondage, explored other aspects of interest available that is fine and good. But if you have yet gone out on a date with an open heart and brain with another with the hope they might be your other and you use the excuse you are still exploring then need to be honest with yourself. If you spend most of your time exploring top/bottom activities, your social circle has become many in the local community and you know all the activities weeks ahead of time and even attend national shows then you have created a social life for yourself period. Any potential relationship becomes less of a chance the less you actually focus on it.
Internet: How good and bad?
The good: A wide array of information and from many sources and perspectives. There is very little reason you cannot find multiple sources of information and views that you can identify with and help sort out your thoughts. I learn something most days. If looking for your other I fully believe the wider the net the better chance to find someone. It has been my experience the more severe of an actual power exchange relationship you want the fewer people are out there that match up. If you have the resources to do a long distance dating thing and the ability to relocate this greatly can improve your odds.
The bad: A lot of unrealistic cyber theorist typing words of “known” wisdom through their “experience” which can often be just them in their thoughts and never lived one day in a power exchange relationship. You have to filter everything you read, including any junk I write, through your own brain and form your own conclusions. Along with this people tend to over romanticize this life, their relationships and themselves. I think too much Internet can cause people to loose reality and build up the life in their mind that if they ever go to real life it can never live up to the image created.
In terms of looking for people: Men tend to type way too much in what they want like filling out an order form and what they think a woman wants to here. Women tend to get spoiled and addicted to the attention they receive that they forget they are actually looking for a person to be with and become closed minded and way too picky. Both often think that this life and hiding in cyber will net them better people then they normally have gotten in the past. You can eliminate many of the players and never going to actually meet anyone types but still will get burned by others.
Overall: Information is good but still needs to be filtered through your own mind. Can find your other online, I did, but if you are prone to getting frustrated, cannot hide negativity when you do not like how you got treated and by far the most you are impatient then do not look for your other online!
The bad: A lot of unrealistic cyber theorist typing words of “known” wisdom through their “experience” which can often be just them in their thoughts and never lived one day in a power exchange relationship. You have to filter everything you read, including any junk I write, through your own brain and form your own conclusions. Along with this people tend to over romanticize this life, their relationships and themselves. I think too much Internet can cause people to loose reality and build up the life in their mind that if they ever go to real life it can never live up to the image created.
In terms of looking for people: Men tend to type way too much in what they want like filling out an order form and what they think a woman wants to here. Women tend to get spoiled and addicted to the attention they receive that they forget they are actually looking for a person to be with and become closed minded and way too picky. Both often think that this life and hiding in cyber will net them better people then they normally have gotten in the past. You can eliminate many of the players and never going to actually meet anyone types but still will get burned by others.
Overall: Information is good but still needs to be filtered through your own mind. Can find your other online, I did, but if you are prone to getting frustrated, cannot hide negativity when you do not like how you got treated and by far the most you are impatient then do not look for your other online!
Nurses more submissive?
Do you see people in the medical field and in particular nurses as submissives are more prevalent in this life then other careers?
No I do not. I am an absolute believer that people in this life are pretty much a cross section of the human experience in pretty much every aspect. I believe that nurses stick out only because it is a more unique/different occupation that people know what they do and just stands out more. Since most people work in the business world that tends to blend in and people noticing nurses to me is because the occupation in itself just sticks out in the mind more.
No I do not. I am an absolute believer that people in this life are pretty much a cross section of the human experience in pretty much every aspect. I believe that nurses stick out only because it is a more unique/different occupation that people know what they do and just stands out more. Since most people work in the business world that tends to blend in and people noticing nurses to me is because the occupation in itself just sticks out in the mind more.
Are we better educated?
It has been my experience the people in this life tend to have higher IQs and are better educated then most. Is that your belief?
No, I think that view is asinine. Power exchange and kink is not by itself something that can support bringing people together. People who establish friendships and are comfortable in groups will need other similarities. Next time you’re at a local community event and see just how little we are actually talking about this life topics and talking like ordinary human beings. Then see who we spend most of our time with and the same with others. You will see that we hang around people like us. You see more educated at local communities because that is a common base for many other common interests/social habits. People with different interests/social habits are going to be less comfortable and therefore not be as many that attend.
Online the same thing as people who have time to be on a computer are often people who can afford to work part time or not at all and a lot of people that can do it at work. Generally these are going to be people who have an education just to qualify for those types of jobs. But it does not mean we are the only ones participating in the life. There has to be also an interest to go on a computer and type words out. Again generally people that do this is because it is just in them and often since they were born so there is just a much higher chance these people would have used this interest and a very natural path to excel would be in school.
So what we see is the people writing or attending local communities tend to be educated. That is all nothing more can be inferred. Not people in this life because most people in this life are not active in local communities! Judging IQ points is absurd. We all have things we can excel at and some things we suck at. I excel in all things science, language and memory type things. I have no ability in artistic, creative writing, engineering and so on and so on.
No, I think that view is asinine. Power exchange and kink is not by itself something that can support bringing people together. People who establish friendships and are comfortable in groups will need other similarities. Next time you’re at a local community event and see just how little we are actually talking about this life topics and talking like ordinary human beings. Then see who we spend most of our time with and the same with others. You will see that we hang around people like us. You see more educated at local communities because that is a common base for many other common interests/social habits. People with different interests/social habits are going to be less comfortable and therefore not be as many that attend.
Online the same thing as people who have time to be on a computer are often people who can afford to work part time or not at all and a lot of people that can do it at work. Generally these are going to be people who have an education just to qualify for those types of jobs. But it does not mean we are the only ones participating in the life. There has to be also an interest to go on a computer and type words out. Again generally people that do this is because it is just in them and often since they were born so there is just a much higher chance these people would have used this interest and a very natural path to excel would be in school.
So what we see is the people writing or attending local communities tend to be educated. That is all nothing more can be inferred. Not people in this life because most people in this life are not active in local communities! Judging IQ points is absurd. We all have things we can excel at and some things we suck at. I excel in all things science, language and memory type things. I have no ability in artistic, creative writing, engineering and so on and so on.
Do you consider your submission a gift?
Really short answer is no. I often take a very negative view toward this phrase and just have come to realize it has to do with my spirituality. I embrace the view that all things are equal and differences are just differences and not to be judged better or right versus wrong.
Some will try to bend it that they should be or will cherish the other person but then that really is just another way of saying they expect mutual love in the relationship. Of course that way it is a gift but I do not buy for one second people who do use that phrase are trying to express that thought.
What they are expressing is they want their submission to be considered special, Better/more then others in other relationship dynamics. This is just delusional and unhealthy thinking if they are serious in this thought. For us meant to live a power exchange dynamic is because it is a best fit for us. Not because it is the best dynamic and only a few of us can live it. We live it because it gives us the best possibility of having happiness and love in our life not because we give more of ourselves then other people in other relationships.
Also it simply is not a gift if you are expecting something of equal value in return which most of us if not all are.
Some will try to bend it that they should be or will cherish the other person but then that really is just another way of saying they expect mutual love in the relationship. Of course that way it is a gift but I do not buy for one second people who do use that phrase are trying to express that thought.
What they are expressing is they want their submission to be considered special, Better/more then others in other relationship dynamics. This is just delusional and unhealthy thinking if they are serious in this thought. For us meant to live a power exchange dynamic is because it is a best fit for us. Not because it is the best dynamic and only a few of us can live it. We live it because it gives us the best possibility of having happiness and love in our life not because we give more of ourselves then other people in other relationships.
Also it simply is not a gift if you are expecting something of equal value in return which most of us if not all are.
Doormat?
What is up with the “I am not or do not want a doormat” phrase?
There are two paths this term has taken and from each gender.
Original term:
I want or I am a slave that uses her mind, has interest and opinions and will engage the other mentally in life. Be proactive and respond to life in a way that the dominant can enjoy being around them. This seems to some as a duh comment but there are many submissives who are enamored with the idea of turning their brains off as much as possible. There are few people out there that basically are drawn to a “whatever you want” and “what do you want me to do” interaction. In the end this will not work and end badly but there are people looking to check out that way.
Slang term (most common use now):
Female: I am not willing to be treated like a second class citizen in a relationship. This can be seen in the range of the original definition to someone who claims interest in a power exchange relationship but all they want is a leader who can mind read and will not expect or order anything they are not wanting or not willing to do both in general and in the moment.
Male: Can range from the original term to I really do want a doormat when it works for me and want a real person when it does not. Men often use the term as a guilt free expression to often counter communications of the more severe tone. Classic example “A slave only has one right and that is to leave. I do not want a doormat though”.
There are two paths this term has taken and from each gender.
Original term:
I want or I am a slave that uses her mind, has interest and opinions and will engage the other mentally in life. Be proactive and respond to life in a way that the dominant can enjoy being around them. This seems to some as a duh comment but there are many submissives who are enamored with the idea of turning their brains off as much as possible. There are few people out there that basically are drawn to a “whatever you want” and “what do you want me to do” interaction. In the end this will not work and end badly but there are people looking to check out that way.
Slang term (most common use now):
Female: I am not willing to be treated like a second class citizen in a relationship. This can be seen in the range of the original definition to someone who claims interest in a power exchange relationship but all they want is a leader who can mind read and will not expect or order anything they are not wanting or not willing to do both in general and in the moment.
Male: Can range from the original term to I really do want a doormat when it works for me and want a real person when it does not. Men often use the term as a guilt free expression to often counter communications of the more severe tone. Classic example “A slave only has one right and that is to leave. I do not want a doormat though”.
Does size matter?
Why do some submissives think anal sex is very submissive when regular people do it a lot as well? Why is it often difficult for a woman to masturbate herself to orgasm in front of her other if they are new to each other?
The answer is that the physical dynamics of sex are only one part. The other part is mental. If mental makes something an issue then in fact the issue is legit. So if a woman claims size matters it does for her. Physically probably not but that does not matter. Anal sex the same way as if taking it in the ass makes us feel submissive then it does.
Same with masturbating which is heavy on mental stimulation and we all have done mostly if not all in private. Most people cannot just be ordered from a cold start and get it done but it is something learned over time. Something the mind has to deal with.
The answer is that the physical dynamics of sex are only one part. The other part is mental. If mental makes something an issue then in fact the issue is legit. So if a woman claims size matters it does for her. Physically probably not but that does not matter. Anal sex the same way as if taking it in the ass makes us feel submissive then it does.
Same with masturbating which is heavy on mental stimulation and we all have done mostly if not all in private. Most people cannot just be ordered from a cold start and get it done but it is something learned over time. Something the mind has to deal with.
But does size really matter?
I think you will find that most women will have the same answers. Too small or too big can be a problem. Everything else is perfectly fine. The less you know the person and/or it is about pure physical fucking then seeing, tasting and feeling a big cock will add excitement. It though for many of us does not trump other things and getting excited at what I am feeling in my hand followed by a stupid comment from a guy or something stupid would quickly end that “extra” feeling.
When it comes to having sex/making love to my special someone then that aspect is buried so far down the mental brain I am not sure if it ever registers.
But yeah, there are size queens and in their mental area to sex size matters is a huge thing. Look at it like a fetish. If something really turns you on would you not want to be able to have that and if you could only get an orgasm from doing one particular thing would you not seek out that thing?
I actually knew a woman who husband’s huge cock (biggest I have ever seen) was a very big reason why she loved him; literally as much as anything else about him. I met them after they had been married for eight years and even then you could see her glow when thinking, talking or seeing it.
When it comes to having sex/making love to my special someone then that aspect is buried so far down the mental brain I am not sure if it ever registers.
But yeah, there are size queens and in their mental area to sex size matters is a huge thing. Look at it like a fetish. If something really turns you on would you not want to be able to have that and if you could only get an orgasm from doing one particular thing would you not seek out that thing?
I actually knew a woman who husband’s huge cock (biggest I have ever seen) was a very big reason why she loved him; literally as much as anything else about him. I met them after they had been married for eight years and even then you could see her glow when thinking, talking or seeing it.
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