What is up with collars?

Collars and more importantly people’s view of collars might have more different opinions then the classic difference between a sub and a slave debate. The truth is a collar’s meaning is entirely up to the couple.

People in 24/7 relationships can range from a slave not having anything that identifies them as a slave to them let alone anyone else to a slave that has a collar that they wear 24/7 and consider that collar and if there was some sort of ceremony to be far more special then say a wedding ring and ceremony. I got to know a very nice dominant when looking for my new owner who had a system of six collars for a slave. Each collar represented a specific stage and a level of control and commitment.

The only thing I do not get, and this is a have to agree to disagree situation for dominants that do this, but the whole begging for a collar and a slave being put under consideration when these two things apply when both people are working on being in a long term 24/7 power exchange relationship. I do not see how a slave would being willing to commit if they did not know in their brain and heart their Master did not feel the same way about them as they do about him. I also think it is sad that a dominant would need to “consider” if they want such a thing.

This to me just reeks of self esteem issues on the basis of the dominant needs to feel that the slave needs him more then the dominant needs the slave. I just think if you need power from that angle then the relationship is already in trouble. When thinking about this I always just imagine if a man proposed to a woman in the regular world and she would respond “Well keep on begging and sucking up to me and we will see” what would be everyone’s reaction and opinion.

But in the end a collar can be nothing more then a tool to hook a leash to or help in a bondage situation all the way to a power exchange couple who treat a collar like regular people treat a wedding ring. To each their own and whatever works best is up to the people involved and not any this is how we do things in this life thing.

Why do I pick on dominants so much?

I do not pick on all dominants. Heck as a 24/7 slave I basically adore dominants in general. When I go negative on dominants I am not going negative on dominants that get it or are looking to get it from a slave’s point of view. The ones I am ripping are the ones who do not get it and/or are parading around calling themselves dominants but are really just selfish people looking for their ego to be stroked and be spoiled.

When I write a post that puts these dominants under the magnifying glass my motivation is not out of a dark place nor do I specifically think up things to write about base on how can I rip dominants today. As I wrote about my motivations of writing this blog here I will not go into too much detail but I very much have a main motivation to what and how I write my blog.

1) I am not on here to express how much I love my Master and the power exchange life like I am trying to convince myself or seek validation from others. It is just not in me to externalize my internal feelings. Rest assured I think my Master is very special and awesome just like any other person thinks of their other when one has great compatibility and love in their relationship.

2) I find much of the information floating around from web sites, blogs and message boards to be dominant centric and over simplistic. Whether directly and mostly indirectly there is a lot of information out there that is either wrong or so narrowly focused it does not capture the whole picture and distorts this great life. My personal interest when discussing this life is more broad and not about specific details but peeling back a layer and see what is really going on in our brains.

3) The way this life is discussed even from those who get it often portrays dominants as strong, wise and basically all knowing in all aspects of life and especially power exchange. At the same time submissives are also often portrayed as weak, naïve and relatively clueless about power exchange.

4) I am a 24/7 total power exchange slave. There are not a ton of us out there and we are wired different from many other types of submissives. Most information out there comes from lesser power exchange people and relationships. This is again especially true in how dominants write they will write like everything is direct experience but this is often not with a slave like me and I simply notice how often dominants who stick their feet into the water when writing 24/7 TPE how they smear, and often incorrectly, their actual knowledge into theory of what they think or wish.

Let me give you a typical example of what I encounter. Yesterday I went on a message board and some poor woman posted a question that she found her Master had posted an ad to have a discreet affair on a site designed for such things. Sorry this is not a power exchange issue at all. It is about a relationship going bad and a guy who did a crappy thing. So what did the majority of the dominants write? Pretty much putting everything back on this poor woman like “you are not much of a slave if you do not trust him”, “why were you looking in the first place” and “if you are a slave you should only be concerned about pleasing your Master not what he is doing”.

So when I think and write on topics my motivations more then likely come from these thoughts above. I always write in fairly strong tones because I do not understand any other way to write and find it sad or comical that because I am a slave I should write in a passive and weak way.

My goal in writing on the topics I do is for dominants or submissives whether experienced or starting out to read the words and see from one person what is going on after peeling back the specific things being done from a slave who has lived this successfully for well over a decade. I am not saying every 24/7 TPE slave is like me or should be like me and I do not write thinking that I may or may not be totally right. But all I can do is write from my experiences and my brain and let others read and take from it what they want.

My writing will often poke holes and expose dominants who do not get it because that is simply often who get my thoughts and attention when I read something and shake my head in disbelief.

Do you ever just have normal sex?

That would be a yes and no question but the reality is yes and in fact most of the time I would view or sexual encounters to be of the “normal” variety.

Sex in a total power exchange relationship is like most things in a TPE and that is the actual things going on are basically the exact same things going on in any other type of relationship. Most things are not done just because of the power exchange except for maybe the usually discussed kinks but are just done how everyone else does them. The difference is mostly that one person can determine the when, what and how.

So most of the time actual sex if you were to watch us without sound or knew we were Master/slave would look like how everyone else does it from my experience with the difference that my Master either picks or can over rule things like actions, positions and which hole.

Now foreplay maybe a different story, certainly often our foreplay can be “normal” but also plenty of times you will see “kinky” stuff or certainly even some significant scene. For example, my Master is very much a true sadist and I can usually know when we are just hanging around him inflicting pain just for the heck of it or if he is truly turning himself on and sex will come out of it.

But my main point would be this; I do not buy for one second this being any different then any other couple. Take any couple and you will see a routine that one or both have that gets them in the mood. It may be mutual massages or maybe they routinely go dancing and always have sex when they cone home. So to me there is just not any difference.

So most of the time I would classify us as just having sex but just the options left up to my Master and the minority of the time I am being penetrated while tied up or any other kink is directly going on.

Does your Master read this blog?

Short answer yes and no. He does not read or want me to make an effort to shove what I write in his face when he is home. On the road stuck in a hotel room is when he will tend to read what I write. Now he will offer up ideas to write about all the time but in general he is not a big written word person and this is not a tool for me to suck up to him (aka constant posts of how awesome he is) or try to communicate my feelings or issues with him through my writings.

Does he take issue with sharing of my sexual/kinky past?

One word answer is absolutely no. My Mom thinks I have primarily fallen for him because she thinks my Master has a strong Eastern soul. (I will let her believe that. ;) )

I mention this because William is an avid preacher of living in reality. I was thirty-one when I met him and he knew I had been a practicing slave for a long time. He was forty-one and divorced. We just were not virgins that stumbled into each other and does not care or worry about what others were about.

In some ways my talking about my past was encouraged by him when we were just starting out. One of the big things many dominants have to overcome is worrying about doing or ordering things on their slave thinking because if we do not enjoy these things directly then that will damage the relationship. In fact this can factor into play which can be fatal, the if I do this they will leave me so often they want everything they do their slave thinks is great so ego can go to a very dangerous level.

I think my telling him about my experiences helped him overcome his fear of doing things or controlling me for being to tough/icky/controlling to me and comfortable that my words spoken, much like this blog, were in fact backed up by fact not just wishful thinking.

Why I put the pictures in my posts?

I started out not doing that but from some comments from friends, a new cyber friend AKM and reading other blogs found pictures to add a lot, especially my long winded posts.

In terms of why I put up mostly women, couples not in graphic sex, BDSM and other M/s slave pictures are for different reasons.

Obviously I try to match a topic with a picture but found out that is tough to do and I was wasting a lot of time. So now I pretty much take some time to scout and save pictures that I might use and insert them after I have written something. I put women pictures up because I know men like those things and avoid male beefcake for the opposite. Sorry to all the women power people out there.

I do not care for although does not bother me to put graphic sex pictures but know many are like me so I do not do that. I do like graphic BDSM pictures very much but stay away from that because it would not be attractive to many.

So I basically post pictures that are close to topic and/or I find sexy.

If it was just sexy I would just post pictures of George Clooney, Yun-Fat Chow, Lucy Liu (fellow U of Michigan grad!), Helen Mirren and of course my Master if he would let me. ;)

My Lingo

The following are my take on terms I use from time to time to often and how I define them in for my writing.

Active Domination: The things a dominant brings to the table in the relationship between them and their slave. These are the things that make a slave feel dominated. This is not only the physical manifestations often involving kinky things but just in general the day to day things where a dominant exercises his control and power on their slave. Words, orders, decision making and other things that cause a slave to adjust her normal thoughts and actions.

Chest Thumper: They want to let people know just how superior they are to others and will insert this practically in any communication. A chest thumper is a person who inserts judgments or communicates one-way truisms into as much communication as possible to directly communicate that people not like him are losers and they are special.

The typical example of a chest thumper is a dominant who will claim that to be a “true” Master it takes years of experience which they just happens to have.

Cool factor: A reason for a person to over romanticize themselves, their other, their relationships or within their writing have judged others based on some sort of coolness/what is better type scale. This coolness scale is denied by everyone sane but many people will write based on thinking that others believe this scale is out there. Ex) People who say they are a no limit slave, people who think Slave is better then submissive who is better then a bottom and people who get irrational about others doing an act that is a hard limit for them.

Cyber theorist: A person who writes in absolute tones theories and judgments from a vacuum of cyberspace that have no accuracy when taking into real life and real human beings. Ex) “Slave should have only one desire and that is to please their owner.”

Dictionary Dynamo: This is a person from either gender or role who takes one or several definitions from a dictionary that conveniently back up a point they are trying to make. I have a friend who calls these people vacuum professors as they require suspension of common sense and basic intelligence and a complete lack of grasps of how the real world operates in order for it to have any semblance of practical reality.

The ultimate classic example of this is of course the person who types out a definition of the word slave out of a dictionary. Those people are easy to spot and ignore.

Dominant Disease: The habit to communicate and for the worse case believe that their way is the only true way. That they know everything and they communicate in a style and tone that a college professor might talk to an elementary student. Pretty much repeat the same thing in all communications. 1) Blame is always the submissive’s fault or the dominant is incompetent. 2) This is what they do and they never ever have had a problem like this.

Can often be confused with cyber theorists but these people have experience and their words have usually merit in some regard to being totally wise. More often then not it is their tone not the message that punctures their credibility.

IM addicts: People who spend much of their free time at home with their laptop on and IM open talking to anyone who might be out there. At some point they have developed a horrendously mistaken belief that most people do the same thing. The truth is of course only a very small percentage and even a smaller percentage of men are like this and most people either do not IM at all or only out of necessity. So often any attempt to join the regular world is met with bad results as they cannot comprehend people not wanting to spend hours a day IM’ing them as a main form of communication.

Kinks: My shorthand and many others that sum up the things you will find in many of our relationships that you will not in regular ones. This is not just pertaining to specific kinky things that we may do but will use the term to include those and things like discipline sessions, punishments, rules and rituals.

Example: The kinks of this life take a lot less time then regular life in our relationships.

Role Playing: This is not about when playing around but when people in either role are not themselves but try to act like they think they should be or more often how they think the other expects them to be. More often then not done subconsciously but when a bulk of the relationship, whether the power exchange dynamic or not, is being roled played by someone conclusion will only be bad.

Classic symptom of a role player is a dominant that slowly stops playing with their submissive. It is not that they lose interest in the person but it just takes too much energy to be and do things that are not them. The play zaps energy while a person not role playing the play should often give them energy.

Self fulfilling prophecy: People getting back exactly what they are complaining or worry about. Classic example is males claiming all the females are insincere or fake in the life. The reality is because they are so negative and accusatory whether directly in their communication or the bile they have in an online profile that only the insincere and fake are wanting anything to do with them.

Slave transference: This is basically the indirect way of chest thumping. It is when a submissive in as much communication as possible expresses and interjects their dominant into everything to be the most perfect human being and dominant alive. What they are really doing is feeding their poor self esteem by wanting everyone to make the connection of if my dominant is perfect and picked me then I must be great as well.